Lately, I’ve felt lost—not in painting, but in creating content just to reach people. I set ambitious goals for YouTube, my podcast, and social media, only to find myself chasing numbers instead of meaning. Seeing another artist's journey made me realize I’ve been caught in the same cycle—shaping content around visibility rather than authenticity.

But today, I painted just for the sake of it. No overthinking, no pressure. I let myself return to the emotions that first drove me to create—the quiet sadness I felt after my son was born, knowing he would have to face his own struggles. That moment of reflection brought clarity: I want to share my art, my process, and my truth—not just what might perform well.

It’s time to reset. Thanks for being here through this. Now, back to painting.

As I sat at the table surrounded by colorful origami paper, my three-year-old son eagerly watched me fold intricate designs from an Origami World set I found at Blick Art Shop shortly after our move from Munich to Washington State. Each fold became a lesson in patience and creativity, as I struggled to create vehicles while he cheered me on. His joy reminded me of the beauty in small victories and how art can connect us across generations, transforming moments of frustration into opportunities for growth and bonding.

Life has a funny way of offering support when we least expect it. Whether through art, parenting, or sharing our struggles, opening up can lead to surprising, practical help. A personal experience before my move taught me that vulnerability—something as simple as sharing a heavy moment with a friend—can offer comfort and unlock new ways of thinking. Sometimes, it's not grand advice but small gestures, like a pack of spicy candy, that provide just the right tool to cope. This story reflects how being open can shape our art, parenting, and emotional well-being.

In the rush of daily life, it’s easy to overlook the simple, yet significant, moments that shape our experiences. After my family’s move from Munich to Washington, I began reflecting on how this transition heightened my awareness of the beauty in everyday life. Embracing the 'last time' mentality—the idea that any moment could be the last—helps my art and deepens my connection with my surroundings. It's a powerful practice of noticing, appreciating, and drawing inspiration from life’s small yet big moments.

Why do I paint my son so often? It’s not just because he’s the center of my universe. Painting him allows me to reflect on our relationship, work through my emotions, and find ways to repair and grow. Inspired by Becky Kennedy’s TED Talk on the importance of repairing parent-child relationships, I’ve found that art is a powerful tool for understanding and improving my parenting.

The reason behind painting this piece started from my desire for a new challenge.

I had never before painted elderly individuals, nor had I tackled male subjects. Using Midjourney, I created a reference featuring an elderly Caucasian man in a kimono, accompanied by ikebana flowers. It was a quite a challenge, but I found joy in the process, especially as I reached the midpoint. Normally, I avoid painting drapery, hands, wrinkled faces, men, and flowers, so completing this piece felt like a significant achievement at the time.I named this painting 'Mankai 満開' because in Japanese, 'mankai' is used to describe the peak bloom of a flower. We typically don’t associate this with old age, but for me, it signifies that humans, can reach their peak with age—a time of success and wisdom.

Moreover, after finishing the painting, I realized it somehow portrayed aspects of who I am or could have been in a different universe. Growing up, ocassionaly I wished I had been born a guy. Raised in Japan, this painting seems to reflect my imagined life as a man.

Reflecting on the completed painting, I find it intresting how it has become like a self-portrait, capturing aspects of my identity and aspirations.That is exactly one of the beauty of creativity.

We go through loss every month, a cycle of hope and disappointment mixed with the pain of missed chances. From creating symbolic art to facing setbacks, each step shaped my journey to becoming a mother, teaching me to value every precious moment.

Inspired by a conversation with a dear friend, Joy, I embark on a journey to revisit a long-held painting project. Join me as I explore the symbolism of 'Ophelia' and reflect on the profound questions it evokes about loss, grief, and the human experience.